Drowning
by Soulreciever
Summary: Sam's thoughts after he kills Shelob...plus a twist but you'll have to read to see. slash FS


Drowning.

Tash: hi * waves sheepishly * this is my first lord of the rings fan fic so small amounts of flame would be appreciated! I don't own it, I really really wish I did! But I'm afraid to say its tolkin's. Slight slash warning and a technical deviance from book cannon. Set within return of the king so spoilers abound for all those of you who are watching the movie. * represents a change of p.o.v and – a change in time.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Where am I?

                    Why can't I see?

                                                  Why can't I breathe?

I'm drowning.

                       Even though I'm on solid land I'm drowning.

I'm drowning on life you see…

                                                      On memories.

I'm drowning in your scent, your lips your soul.

                                                       And yet…

You're dead.

                      No.

                                 No I won't accept that fact, I can't.

You are everything to me….

                                               You make me whole.

And so without you…

                                       I'm drowning.

Please open you eyes.

                     Your eyes were my sea…

                                                              They were my siren song.

Why are you so cold?

                                  I remember the last time you felt this cold…

                                                                                                   You were alive then though

And now…

                       No.

                                 No I can't allow myself to think it again.

                                                  Not yet.

                                                                Soon I'll move onwards, but not yet.

                                                              Your skin is so pale.

It's purity unmarked now by the pain you've been going through.

                                                                                         The pain your burden caused you.

Please wake up.

                           What am I without you?

                                                                   How can I live without you?

                                                Perhaps…

No.

        No I must go onwards if only to finish your task.

                                                But I cannot leave you…

                                                                                                I promised.

But I must go…

                          No.

                                    No I can't go…

Not yet  

                                 I'm still drowning after all.

Did you just move?

                                    No.

                                          No, I must have dreamt it…     

                                                                                                You're so silent after all.

I wonder if everyone else is still alive?

                                                            I wonder if they know…

                                                                                                    Why should they?

They don't need you like I do.  

                                                    Crave you.

                                                            I must go.

                                         If I stay here I'll continue to drown.

                                                            I must go.

                                                                                I must return.

                                           If I travel any further I will die.

                                                                                                You are my life after all.

                                                            You're dead though…

                                                                                                            So why do I still live?

                                                            I must die…

*

He reaches for the sword at his side. Its point still fetid with the blood of his enemy. He hesitates just for a moment as he feels the first prick of the blade.

Then he sees the other…so still, so cold, so quiet…dead and he stops hesitating.

The blow is quick…painless, and as he begins to drift away into darkness he smiles, for he knows he will be with the other again.

As he draws his last breath the lids of the other twitch open.

                                               He is alive

                                -

Suddenly reality comes swamping back and the dream fades. The fear is still upon him though and he cries out into the darkness, his hands stretching for the other. They find nothing however, and for a moment he forgets.

                                                He's drowning again.

Then a voice brings him up to the surface and in the half-light that is beginning to seep into the room he can make out the fey form of the other.  

"I heard you screaming." The other explains as he comes to sit on the bed.

"I was remembering Mr. Frodo."  He says, a blush painting his cheeks. Frodo smiles and stretches for his friend and once he was tight in his embrace he enquires,

"Shelob?" And even though he whispers the word a catch can be heard in his voice and it is evident that he too is remembering.

                                              Drowning.

The silence that follows is oppressive, its clawing tendrils a mere mockery of the stifling whirlwind of memories contained within it. Frodo finds his way to the surface however and whispers the comfort of ,

"You were not to know Sam." To his friend. The younger hobbit shakes his head fiercely, denying his friends comforting words before explaining himself.

"I should of Sir…you are a part of me after all." It was now Frodo's turn to blush, the colour highly evident against the pallor of his skin.

"I…I am?" He enquires, his voice now stuttered, broken.

"Yes sir…" He pauses for a moment, the sharp breath he takes allowing his masters scent to flow over him, encase him and he is aware before he allows himself to speak again, that his companion is shaking, his wall of confidence shattered in the complete truth of the moment. "You see I realised when I thought that you were dead…I tried to ignore it after that, we had a quest to full fill. Now though, begin' your pardon sir, I had to tell you…even if it meant you ended up hating me…" He falters as the sentence leaves his lips and though he wishes to continue again he cannot, for he too is now lost in the complete sincerity of the words. 

The silence this time is charged with an electricity that only increases as it the silence itself is shattered by Frodo's soft musical laughter.

"Sam, I could not hate you." The older hobbit explains as he pulls his friend closer, "Especially if you are trying to tell me what I think you are."  The younger hobbit nods, his voice still lost to him.

                                    Reality melts into a dream as they meet.

                 And time stops for a moment, everything frozen in the very picture of perfection.

                                  Then reality drifts back in again as they begin to drown on one another's passion and tenderness. And though as time reverts back to normal the words are never spoken they are laced in the perfection of that moment.

                               "I love you…I need you."

………………………………………………………………………………………

Tash: In case you're wondering where the two hobbits are when Sam wakes up, I'd say Rivendale  because I love Rose and I hate to have her believe she had a chance with Sam. This way you see he goes back to the Shire already entirely attached to Frodo and nobody gets too hurt. I must take a moment to thank Skye for writing `without Sam` , which inspired me to write the begging of this fic and create a more happy ending for the whole what if Sam killed himself issue. R+R


End file.
